Broke Back Cards

Most of you have heard of 'broken' cards.  For those that haven't, we'll get into that in a bit.  This is the first in a semi-regular series of what I'm calling broke back cards.

The other day Wizards ran an article about 'broken' cards that have made it past R&D and into the game only to be banned or severely restricted later on.  For those of you who aren't familiar with the term a 'broken' card is one whose benefit far outweighs the cost or whose very presence on the battlefield greatly unbalances the match.  In extreme cases they are cards that dominate the entire meta-game in unhealthy ways as the subset of cards under the Affinity heading did after the release of the Mirrodin block leading the DCI to ban the whole bunch of them.  I can't say that was the single largest group of banned cards from a single block, but I'm willing to postulate that's the smart money.

Anyway, the article got me thinking about some of the current cards that may, or may not, be broken, but they are certainly problematic for most casual players.  I'm going to call them broke back cards.  I'll define that as not necessarily broken, but damn close.  These are cards that often define archetype decks and become so popular, especially among the tournament players, that the price is driven out of reach of the average player.  I don't know about you, but I waste most of my money foolishly on rent, food, clothing and utilities.  Turns out my family expects to eat EVERY day and the prospect of living at a shelter doesn't seem to be getting much traction with them.  That means that a sixty dollar primeval titan, let alone a play-set of four, is an impossible expense.

So here are cards that have become valuable both in play and in money, and in tight supply in a smaller region like the one where I live, that don't necessarily screw up the meta game from a strict design standpoint, but are problematic because they are powerful and out of reach.  They may not be broken, but they may as well be for most of us.  Here's my first three nominees for broke back cards...

If your playing against a ramp deck, and you know you have, then you know that this guy makes a ramp deck go ballistic.

Seeing that green offers plenty of shielding cards and regeneration abilities he can be a bitch to get rid of and he simply turns Ramp into a meth head speeding along like some demonic land factory.

Not a problem if you have them, but at sixty a pop, what are the chances of that?

It's power, coupled with its expense makes it a definite for the broke back card club.

While we're at it, let's add the rest of the Titans from M11 since they're all way too expensive and way too tough for my own good.

What the hell were they thinking when they added this card to the mix?  The moment it appears you have to ask yourself "Am I running a creature removal or control deck?"  Is the answer neither?  Well, guess what?  You lost the game, that's what.

I get that hydras regenerate themselves, but extra counters?  Really?  Was that necessary?

Why not just make the text read "Put as many counters on this creature anytime you want to."  It's not like that would make much of a difference.

I cannot say for certain, but I imagine Hell has a special section reserved for game designers who pull ill-conceived stunts like these.  Enough with the Hydras already.

I hate This guy!
I hate This guy!
I hate This guy!
I hate This guy!

Can't say it enough...I hate This guy!

Oh look at me, I'm Gideon Jura...you have to attack me...oh look, I'm indestructible...I prevented all the damage...what a dick.

Haven't played a deck built around him yet, just wait and you'll get to enjoy an experience that most would put on a par with eating broken glass.

Thirty bucks or so.  Hmmmm, a Gideon Jura or gas for teh week?  What a toughie.

Stay tuned for more.  If anyone has strategies for beating these guys with the cards most of us have to work with then please share with the rest of us, and by us I mean me, because frankly I'm sick of these three cards beating my ass like I stole something.